Back again?

So sure that I was of leaving the land of morning calm, that I packed away my chopsticks threw away my animal patterned socks and made a pact to taste fermented cabbage for the last time. Moving forward to normal pizza toppings, a steady 9-5 marketing job. Back to where I came from.

A great two years it had been, as I waved Korea goodbye from a plane in the clouds. I had grown so much in this country and it was time to grow even more back at home.

Yeah.....maybe not.

Sometimes, I have learned, fate unexpectedly deals you a curve ball. It turns out, after 4 years of studying and a portfolio of work, that I dislike marketing and design – rather intensely. Furthermore, it turns out that I am not really qualified to do anything else. Which is quite a pickle to find yourself in as a not so new graduate.

I returned home to the familiarity and comfort only to find that staring aimlessly at the computer all day made me bored to tears. The fast paced deadlines and pressured agency style updates did nothing to inspire me. I missed children and teaching and laughing. Hiding in the toilets at work once again I contemplated, what was I going to do with my life? As I nibbled the almost raw corners of my finger nails– a nervous reaction that seemed to be in constant play from 7.30 till 5 each day. What was I going to DO? What if I died tomorrow and my tombstone read: “Claire – (2016) - who spent her life animating pop up web banners that at best irritate people who haven't bothered to install ad-blocker yet”

It turns out that a quarter life crisis, hits exactly when everyone says it will – at 25 and a half years old. All of a sudden my tall plans for success had come crumbling down and I was forced to realize that despite what my family and peers thought, I could not sit through a 10 hour -a-day job at the computer for the rest of my short life.

I sat there wanting to pull my hair out. How did people, normal people, manage to do this each day? I even googled signs of ADHD in adults to see if that was my problem, it wasn't. Sleep Apnea? Nope Thyroid imbalance? No luck. I was just stressed and un-stimulated of my own accord, no medical reason could be blamed. I couldn't even really hold it against my work place- they were just asking me to do the job I had been hired for. It wasn't really their fault that I found it laborious and overwhelming. I wasn't lazy, I just wasn't invested enough to come to work each day excited for what would happen. Most of all I just didn't want to feel like I was dragging my feet in the sand until I retired in 40 years time. I felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life.

So, I have made a decision.
Well, I made this decision in the work bathroom I suppose on a fairly stressed Monday morning, trying to dab away the tears. Something I had contemplated but hadn't had the balls to do. To many people in my opinion, spend their lives doing shit, mundane boring crap, because it covers the paycheck. Because then you can buy a new car. Because then your kids can go to private school. Because then you have stability.

Well, I don't need a new car. I don't have kids to send to school yet and I realize I don't desperately need stability at 25. So I waited for my one on one corporate style weekly meeting and resigned, still within my probation period. I would have labeled anybody else a 'complete flake'.

It got to the point where caring about what others thought needed to matter less than my happiness. I realize now that I am 25 years old. I have every right to take my time to be in a career that I love. Not one that just allows me to buy a new car. So I am going to do just that.

Next year I will be going back to University to Study a PGCE to qualify me as a teacher allowing me to do something I actually love. I may never be rich, but who needs money when they are too miserable to happily spend it? In fact it feels very good to put in writing finally the way I have felt these months and what my new path will be.

So this brings me back to Korea. Here I go again for a while. Because teaching makes me happy, passionate and enthused. Something I haven't been able to say a lot of lately. And whats more? I am proud of myself for sorting things out before I am 40 and too old to actually enjoy my decision.

So Korea, 1^st of May you will be seeing me. Step one you may ask? Buy some more socks with characters on them. My collection has become so mono-toned these past months.